Conclusion of Rescue and Recovery Domestic and Emotional Abuse

As promised here is the conclusion of the last domestic case I worked on. 

(The other day I received a phone call from my client who said she was ready to move forward but was she really?)  

She said the words to my voice mail but seemed under the influence of a childhood friend who was with her at the time of the call.  I’d hate think so but it seemed my client was forced to call me and tell me she was ready to move on in order to satisfy the need of her childhood friend’s  to help her get out of a bad situation and my suspicions were confirmed when I returned her phone call leaving a message on her voice mail only to never hear from her again.  It is not my style to impose my services on someone who hires me even though I feel they need the help to move out of a bad situation such as this but to remind the person that I am there for them when and if they need me.  Did I mention my services of coaching, counseling and educating are free of charge? 

The ending result of this case remains to be seen.  My client still harvests her guilt and emotions while stuck in a bad living situation and it will not end until she pulls the plug.  It has to come from her and she has to have closure.  She has to be the one to say goodbye and to make sure the final curtain closes on this relationship otherwise her once live in companion and abuser will forever know that the door remains open.

I will continue to share my future cases and case history in order to help others.  As always the anonymity of those involved will be regarded.  

Rescue and Recovery of Domestic and Emotional Abuse

Do you know someone who is in a bad relationship and they do not know how to get out of it?

They may be living with this person or involved with them from a distance and they just do not know how to let go of the dependency of that relationship in whatever capacity it may be.  It is more likely than not that you do know of someone in this situation and people have probably tried to help them in more ways than one with their efforts going nowhere…fast.  You probably learned that the only way out of this situation is if the person trying to get out actually wants to get out.  It is similar to that of a drug addict who says they know they need help but does not actually do anything to get the help they need.  It is a fact that it must start with the addict wanting help and enabling the people around them to act on it as painful as it may be.  It is the same for a person who is in a bad relationship, the addiction to the relationship, and the effort and emotions it takes to end it.  It is not easy no matter how you look at it but the truth is there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. 

This brings me to a case I recently put my heart and soul into that is still in the process of being resolved.  I tell this story, among others, in the hopes it will help somebody else that may know someone or is in a similar situation.  It all began when I received a phone call from a panicked mother of a daughter who was threatening to kill herself.

My client was a success as far as education and employment was concerned but she was not as successful in her personal life with self esteem or confidence.  She got involved with a man who was married with a child who was kicked out of his house.  She invited him to live with her after knowing him for a short time and pursued a “friends with benefits” relationship with him.  He had a good job and was ultimately ordered to pay child support that took the majority of his money leaving my client paying the bills including the mortgage, utilities, and food.  Sure, he went to work and came home, cooked dinner, and slept with my client but that is as far as it went.  There was no love on his part except for the material things my client gave him including a roof over his head.  In her own words, “I am missing the love being reciprocated but I can’t do any better so I am keeping him around.”  Does this sound familiar?

After secretly aborting his child knowing full well he was “not the one” she felt an enormous amount of guilt but was not willing to part way with him.  She knew he lied to her and believed he was the person vandalizing her car but was not willing to neither take action against him nor end the relationship.  She was at the bottom of her emotional scale and had absolutely no self esteem wanting to take her own life.  

After a couple of hours speaking with her I came to the conclusion that she wanted this man to leave her home and her life but she did not want to or have the heart to kick him out.  She felt the guilt of aborting his child and that was one factor that was keeping her from ending it not to mention the fact that she did not think she could do any better.  In her mind she deserved to be punished as she was punishing herself.  She was at the lowest that a person could go.  The minute I met her she poured her heart out to me with tears streaming down her face.  It was a sign of desperation and a literal cry for help.  Keeping in mind all the pain she was feeling and that she may not have been hearing what I was saying with my words I wrote down the steps she needed to take in order to move forward with her life when she was ready to make the move to rid herself of the man who shared her home and the emotional baggage that she was holding on to.  I assured her that she would not be going through it alone and someone would be there to hold her hand every step of the way. She was in a very dark hole that she could not climb out of by herself.  Her friends were there, sure, but they weren't really there.  They listened to her, advised her, and even promised to take matters in to their own hands and do something about it but they was only words.  Nobody followed through or did anything to help end the pain and suffering.  In this case it was my opinion that she would have been fine with her friends kicking him out on her behalf as long as she didn't have to be there to witness it.  But, even then it was predicted that he would call and text her and in her weak frame of mind she would have taken his calls allowing him back into her life.  

My advice comes with experience from working on domestic and emotional abuse rescue and recovery missions.  It is not an easy task to handle and requires proper planning in a short period of time with safety being the number one factor.  For example the first domestic case I worked on early in my career in 1998 involved the welfare of two children whose mother had planned to illegally take them out of state while a joint custody ruling was in place for my client, the father of the children.  His soon to be ex wife and her new boyfriend had planned to move all of the furniture out of my client’s house and take the children by airplane to California.  The tickets had been bought and the moving truck was scheduled.  My job was to protect the children.  It was a matter of taking the children out of school and taking them to a safe place until the mother agreed to stop the madness or go to jail.  It was her choice.  There was a lot more involved in this case but the important matter at hand was resolved.  Ultimately, the mother agreed to cooperate with the courts and honor the separation agreement.  Months later I received a telephone call from my client stating that everything worked out well for everyone in the end.

The other day I received a phone call from my client who said she was ready to move forward but was she really?  To be continued……………

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Ferguson Missouri and The Truth Be Told

#Is this case about race or is it really about bad behavior? 

As an investigator it is very important to have all available evidence and information about an incident in order to reach the most logical and obvious conclusion and more importantly the truth.  It has been my practice not to jump to a conclusion regardless of what it looks like on the surface until I have reviewed the entire case including evidence, witness statements, and anything pertaining to the case I am reviewing.  I have experience in missing children and criminal cases where I have exercised this discipline.  Since my shift in the field 18 years later, now working a desk job safely behind a computer, the cases that I work are not as grandiose, however, I exercise the same discipline.  I cannot speak for every investigator, Detective, or Police Officer but I can speak from my point of view in order to make my points. 

First Point:

The Grand Jury in this case was armed with all of the knowledge needed in order to come to a conclusion.  This information was NOT available to the public before the protests and riots began.  What reasonable person would begin to protest before they have information about what they are protesting?  A man was shot and killed by a police officer.  What were the circumstances?  Who were the witnesses and are they credible?  Some of the witnesses that came forward reportedly often changed their stories.  What was the evidence?  Evidence speaks for itself and is concrete and conclusive..  The evidence that is concrete and conclusive in this case did not match up with the witnesses who often changed their stories and whose credibility is unknown. 

Second Point:

According to evidence and testimony in this case Michael Brown displayed aggressive behavior towards police officer, #Darren Wilson, who ultimately shot and killed him in order to stop Mr. Brown’s aggressive behavior that he felt would ultimately lead to his own death. Who is Michael Brown?  What do we know about him and his personal life at home, school, in society?  Who is Officer Darren Wilson?  What do we know about him and his personal life at home, work, and in society?  These questions must be answered in order to move forward in the investigation.

Third Point:

 Once we answer the Second Point question and know who the key players are in this dramatic and horrific event we must ask the question as to whether or not Officer Wilson meant to kill Mr. Brown or simply disable him so he would discontinue with his alleged aggressive behavior that made #Officer Wilson feel threatened.  Let’s me ask you this question:

What would you do if you felt threatened by someone twice your size who verbally and physically challenged you to a fight who upon warnings of defending yourself with a deadly weapon did not back off?  This was Officer Wilson’s position.  Forget that he is a cop who has taken an oath to protect society and maintain order in the community.  He is a human being in a precarious situation. 

What was #Michael Brown’s position?  We will never know.  This leaves the question open as to what really happened? The only voice Mr. Brown has in this case is the evidence. 

We must leave this case in the hands of the professionals who have displayed #integrity throughout their lives.  We have no choice but to trust in our flawed justice system but in the hands of trustworthy people who have previously demonstrated good investigative skills, open mindedness, and compassion towards human life.  Most people who get into the field of investigations or Police work are in it to help other people.  We like problem solving and there is nothing more rewarding to us than solving a problem and getting to the truth of the matter.

I am not only a Private Investigator and writer but also a student of a college in the #Ferguson / Florissant district not far from where this incident occurred and where #looting eventually took place and  I have never felt unsafe or apprehensive about the area that I frequent weekly along with Ferguson residents.  I go to school with kind normal people who have problems just like me.  Everyone has a story and unless you sit down with a person and talk with them you will never know what their story is and they will not know yours.  The Grand Jury randomly selected by a Judge were twelve people of mixed races, backgrounds and perhaps ethical values who had to come to the same conclusion regarding two people one of which whom they had never met. Do the angry rioters believe that these twelve jury members targeted them by not indicting Office Wilson?  Do they think they came to this conclusion to spite them?  What was going through their heads while they set fire to the cars and buildings in Ferguson Missouri?

If they think the color of Michael Brown's skin, of what some refer to as “black”, which isn’t really black at all but is more of a really good tan that some Caucasian people want their skin color to be, has anything to do with this they really need a reality check here. Watch this video that speaks for itself.  These are not my words but the words of an African American man who is speaking directly to the protestors and rioters that caused damage due to anger.  Message from Fredrick Wilson II

(https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152314396513715)  copy and paste

Who are the perpetrators and what are their stories?  Everyone has one.  Why did they commit these crimes and destroy property?  Were they followers or leaders?  What is their home life like?  Are they gang members?  Did their parents educate them so they can live a peaceful life in a diverse community?  Do they value themselves?  Do they have anger management issues?  If we sat down with each person who displayed any type of aggression and anger in the riots and fires that resulted from the Ferguson incident perhaps we can use their stories to help others deal with their frustrations and anger in situations like these.  

The #protestors in this case are exercising their first amendment right of freedom of speech but the uneducated and unreasonable people who started fires of local businesses in #Ferguson destroying their own community are now criminals and must face the same consequence (the possibility of facing criminal charges) as #Officer Darren Wilson who was accused by them, the rioters and fire starters, of committing a crime on the same streets.  The only way we can fight back is to educate our children and teach them how to have integrity, cope in society, and make changes for the better.  Life sucks for a lot of us but with the help of our friends, relatives, and those who care, even strangers, we can get through it and go on with our lives. Life is short!   I can think of other ways for angry people to spend their energy.  How about fighting to keep our country safe?  We live in #America the greatest country on Earth and there are bigger forces and worse criminal trying to destroy it and what it stands for.  America gives us the right of #freedom of speech.  Let's not abuse the right and use it for the greater of good.  These events are embarrassing and making America look ridiculous to the bigger bad guys who want to destroy what America stands for.  

Final Point:

We did not know the evidence and testimony of this case, until now.  The damage to local businesses began before the evidence became available to the public and after the Grand Jury made their decision.

People have the right to stand up for what they feel is right or wrong but should really know the facts about their subject matter before taking aggressive action against innocent people who have nothing to do with their subject matter.  The local businesses of Ferguson did not force nor have anything to do with Officer Wilson's actions.  The local business of Ferguson did not hire Officer Wilson nor interview him that led to his employment within their community.  So, why blame them?  The aggressors in this case should expect retaliation and not blame those who retaliate against them.  The aggressors in this case should be held responsible for their actions.  

Please note that when I refer to 'aggressors' I am only speaking of those that cause harm to another persons property in this case.  Not the peaceful protestors.
 

Please feel free to post your comments because we all have opinions and we can all learn from each other. 

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Thank you for your support!  Be safe.

A scam with a twist

Please be aware of an old scam that takes on a new twist.  You may know someone who has recently been scammed.  Please share this with everyone you know.

Someone or a group of someone's are pretending to be in need of a caretaker for a disabled child and are moving into the area.  They are seeking out victims on Care.net and I am sure other websites.  This particular victim was sought out on Care.net.  They send pictures of the child and gives a short history of their family.  They try to develop a kinship with the unsuspecting victim.  The person does not wish to speak on the telephone claiming they are hard of hearing and will only use email and text.  They are giving a sad story of how "her" husband and child were killed in a car accident and her son is the only survivor left disabled and wheelchair bound.  Their request is to have a babysitter for him but they must first have a wheelchair waiting for them before they arrive.  In order to get the wheelchair they will send their victim a large check and in turn would like them to deposit it into their own account.  In turn they ask for immediate action be taken to retrieve any money available and send it to them via money pack that can be purchased at a CVS Pharmacy or anywhere that sells money packs.  They will hound the victim for updates and status on the money and express urgency in the need for the money in order to purchase the only wheelchair left with the company they allege to be purchasing it from.  They prey on emotions in this case.


This is not a new scam by any means but beware if you advertise child care services on Care.net or similar websites.  Please pass this on to everyone you know because they too might know someone who offers child care through one of these services.

NEVER send money to anybody you do not know.  NEVER give out personal information to anybody you do not know.  Thank you.

Avoid becoming a victim of crime with these tips

The holiday season is quickly approaching and people are starting to get into the festive mood of baking, eating, and shopping.  Shopping is one of my favorite activities year round but during the holiday season it’s about giving to others and doing for others.  This year it will begin on Thanksgiving Day when the season opens for combat within the isles of the checkout lines in our favorite stores.  If you are one of these brave souls make sure that you stock your car with plenty of water, snacks, and a pillow because you might find yourself sleeping in the parking lot just to get a good parking spot.  You also might need a chair and blanket because the lines tend to begin forming the night before the stores open for the holiday season.  Are you one of these people? Me? Hell no!

If you are, well, even if you are not that person the stores and malls will still be packed most of the beginning of the holiday shopping season all the way through to after the holidays end for those last minute items that are missing from your list or you shop for the after holiday sales preparing early for the next year.  Whatever the case may be we all have one thing in common whether you shop at the beginning of the season, at the end, during busy hours or not.  Our common factor is that we are all consumers carrying money, credit cards, or gift cards and we are amongst thieves just waiting for our vulnerability to be exposed. 

Every year at this time I like to remind people of a few tips for shopping during the busy holiday season.  And, I recommend that you pass this on to everyone you know so they can benefit from this knowledge. Remember knowledge is power!

1. Ladies, this is for you!  Hold onto your purses.  If you put your purse in a cart without your hands securely holding onto the purse strap you are opening yourself to being a victim of one of the most common forms of theft especially if you are outside in the parking lot.  A person in a car can pull up next to your cart, grab your purse, and take off faster than you can say, “oh shit!” 

2. When approaching your car please be sure to take a peek underneath your car as you approach.  Some hoodlums like to hide underneath cars and then cut the unsuspecting victim on the leg as they get into their car.  It will catch you off guard, disable you, and make you vulnerable for car theft along with all of your money. 

3. Always keep your eyes open.  Look around you as you walk to your car.  There are bad guys just waiting outside in the parking lots for the right person to take control of.  Make people think you are aware of your surroundings.  If you look around it will become obvious.

4. Ladies, again, this is for you!  If you have long hair DO NOT wear a ponytail.  It is very easy to control a person by grabbing their ponytail.  Statistics show rapists are especially fond of ponytails because it becomes an easy target for them.  “Grab and Go” is what I call it. 

There are many tips I can offer but these are my top picks that I post every year at this time.  I don’t want to bore you with a book right now so I will end for now.  Happy shopping and be safe out there.

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Adventures in the world of investigations

I have documented the cases of the many adventures I have had since my career as a Skip Tracer / PI began in 1990 and will share them with you in the hopes that they will help you or someone you know.  Some of my cases have to do with large companies where employees were suspect in theft or drug related while on the job and others were domestic cases where a loved one suspected infidelity of their partner but my favorite cases were those of reunions or cases that involved skip tracing.  Of course, it goes without saying that names and identifying factors will not be revealed due to implied confidentiality for my clients.  Before I start telling my stories I promised you I would answer some questions that are posed to me on a regular basis either through email or in person.  I am answering questions that I feel will benefit others and/or have been asked of me multiple times assuming there is a point of interest in the topic.

How did you become a PI?  Did you go to school for it?  What would you recommend someone do if they want to become a PI?

This seems to be the most popular among the questions I have been asked throughout my career and am happy to share my story.  During my career I had more calls from Police Officers who wanted to work off the force on a private level as a Detective than I had from those graduating from college concentrating in the field of investigations.  When it all began for me I too was a college student when I got a job at #Famous Barr Department Store working in the collections department as a skip tracer and collector having had successfully climbed the ladder in a matter of five years to the point where I reached a dead end in the department I was working in.  Between that and the fact that I had a new manager whom I once worked side by side with and had no respect for I decided to consider a position offered me as a manager of a local PI firm that I had previously passed up and recommended a friend for who was hired and fired in a matter of months.  I was making good money and had full benefits at a large company, Macy's at the time, and had considered leaving all of that for a small company that would ultimately change the course of my career.  After much deliberating and negotiating I accepted the position to manage five people and run the firm having had no previous management experience.  Putting my college degree on hold I was working two shifts five days a week including my day shift at the office managing and my night shift doing the field work and gaining experience as a real #Private Investigator.  I was exhausted from lack of sleep and exercise but it was par for the course I was heading in.  I will never forget a story my boss told me when I began my job as a manager at his firm that left me thinking about my future as a PI.

My boss was hired by a man to investigate a license plate on a car that was parked in his driveway every night when he was at work.  He suspected his wife was cheating on him and wanted to know who with if that were the case.  My boss revealed the information to his client who then went to the guys house, whom his wife was allegedly cheating with, and shot and killed him.  My boss had to testify during the murder trial and was released from having any responsibility for the action of his client.  Needless to say it taught him a lesson not to give out information on just anybody to anybody.  From the very beginning of my career I learned to be responsible with the the information I have access to. 

The general public does not often understand what we, Private Investigators, do therefore a great deal of speculation exists.  When you choose to be a Private Investigator you have to accept the responsibility to uphold your obligations of truth, justice and integrity.  And, these days most states require you be licensed requiring testing, continuing education, and insurance and full knowledge of the laws.  It's expensive to be a PI in the states that require you be licensed so unless you plan to actively participate in your career choice as a PI it is not worth the trouble.  There are schools all over the country that can teach you how to be a PI but that really is not enough.  Imagination, luck and determination is as important when skip tracing than the traditional techniques they teach you in the classroom.  You must have perseverance and be resourceful to succeed.  You must be able to protect and never divulge the identity of your informants.  And, remember there is not a hole deep enough on this planet in which a person can hide from a PI who has the necessary tools. 

If you are interested in becoming a PI or skip tracer there are many books that can teach you how to do it but ultimately building professional relationships with your peers in the profession will help you in your success.  Read a book and exercise what you learn and then decide if you have what it takes. A good way to test your skills is to pick a car out of a parking lot, observe the driver and the vehicle.  Carefully follow the car to their destination.  If you follow someone from a grocery store they are most likely to go home to put their groceries away.  Jot down their address and see what information you can come up with.  A good place to start is on the Internet using public websites.  See how far you can get by learning about the person driving the car.  From there you should be able to determine if you have what it takes to be a successful investigator whether it be a PI or a skip tracer.  Once you become licensed in your state you will have access to information that the general public does not.  There are many jobs out there that can use your skill as an investigator especially insurance companies.  I will write more about this topic later but in the meantime you can send any questions you may have to diaryofapi@gmail.com.  Your questions will be answered as promptly as possible. 

That's it for now.  Hope you enjoy this read and please share it with your friends.  If you enjoy my blog please like my facebook page at www.facebook.com/diaryofapi.  Thanks for your support!

Update

Hey readers.  I am still here and been extremely busy as the summer months tend to wear me down with the craziness of work and kids.  I love it and wouldn't trade it for the world!  I will be posting about my summer and the exciting and interesting things I have and still are experiencing so stay tuned.  Also, I have been asked by several people within the last several months for an update on the Greg Berin matter.  My last posting on this matter was on January 10, 2014 at which time I reported a sighting since his release from prison in November 2013.  Please know that my blog is not about this individual and is used as an educational tool.  I post about informative matters having to do with ways to protect ourselves in today's society and stories I have worked on for educational purposes in the hopes it will help another individual.  I formerly had a radio show called Crimetime Live where I took callers questions on the air and gave advice about matters of the heart when it came to dangerous relationships.  Until I go back on the air I take questions here on my blog and most questions are posed confidentially and anonymously.  I do not know who reads my blog and I do not know the true identities of those asking the questions and I do not answer questions that can cause harm to people although I will respond privately to questions sent to me privately.  My email address is diaryofapi@gmail.com.    If you do not mind me posting your question and answer on this blog please indicate so.  There is always someone else walking in your shoes and it is always comforting to know that you are not alone.  My posting about my experience with a once five time convicted felon is my story to share and my choice to share my experience, although not a pleasant one, is helping others' know the signs of their involvement with a Sociopath as well as ways to help get themselves out of their situation.  Also, law enforcement has expressed an interest in the investigation that ultimately caught the criminal in my story.  I hope to continue to help society in this regard and in no way want to cause harm to anybody.  The investigation part of my story is part of the Criminal Files and I will continue with this story in the near future. The rest of the story is in the manuscript waiting to be published.   So, here are a few questions that I will answer in this posting and will address a few more in the next. 

1.  How did you, if you did, forgive your perpetrator?
   
     I do not think I forgave my perpetrator and not that I didn't want to.  I could not find a way to forgive someone that does not have a conscience.  A person without a conscience does not believe they need to be forgiven as they are unable to express remorse, guilt, or regret for their actions.  However, long ago I forgave the act of my perpetrator.   This person had been living a life of crime long before he met me and I was simply at the right place at the wrong time.  If it wasn't me it would have been someone else.  Fortunately, I had the strength to get through the victim stages pretty smoothly within two years from the time it happened.  I gained knowledge throughout this ordeal and took my career in a slightly different direction a direction I was heading in anyway of helping people.  And, now, I am working on my degree in counseling. 

2.  Do you think GB was stalking you and got a job at the store you shop at on purpose? 

    Yes.  There are many of us that believe this.  In brief he was released from prison, was the subject of a newspaper article in which he spoke of the crimes committed against me, although my name was not mentioned half of St. Louis knew about the story and put two and two together; and in the article there was something said that was insulting that did not need to be said.  I took it as a verbal attack and thought that he still felt he was punished unjustifiably for the crimes he committed fifteen years before.  This is typical behavior of a Sociopath.  When he got a job at the store me and my family shop at and allegedly far away from his own home we all got suspicious and that is why we wrote the request to the company to have him relocated.  We felt threatened by his activities and needed to put a stop to it as safely as possible.  The police were informed as well.  There is a restraining order against him, not me, that means he cannot get within a certain distance from me and my family and is to have no contact with us or anyone affiliated with us.  He broke the order and could potentially have consequences as a result. 

More later.  Enjoy your 4th of July!